"I'm just not strong enough to talk about what happened right now," Derbyshire said Friday as a Maine state trooper stood watch at her home.

Aubin's extended family received the news late Thursday. Within hours, news of his death rippled through his hometown, bringing a desert war home in a way no television footage could.

On Friday, family and friends described Aubin as a friendly and genuine man who was always smiling - a man who pursued with determination his dream of flying. They said he was passionate about his job and loved his country.

"I try to describe him and not make him look like this god or paragon of virtue. But he was wonderful," said his mother, Nancy Chamberlain of Winslow.

"He always had a smile. He was just so good to people. He made every person feel special. It was a gift that he had. Everybody loved him. That was no exaggeration."

Chamberlain, who also described her feelings to a national television audience during an interview with NBC News anchor Tom Brokaw, said she watched news coverage of the fatal crash of the Sea Knight helicopter in Kuwait Thursday. She said she knew it was the type of chopper her son flew and that he was in that area. She said she had a "bad feeling" about it.

Aubin was married. He and his wife, Rhonda, had two children, Alicia, 10, and Nathan, 7. The family lived in Arizona, where Aubin was teaching at a "Top Gun" flying school, family members said.

Family members said his body will be taken from Kuwait to Germany and then to Delaware. He will be buried in California, his wife's home state. Locally, a memorial service will be held at St. John the Baptist Church in Winslow sometime next week.

Rella Collins, Aubin's aunt, said he left for the Persian Gulf about a month ago.

"He called my mom and said, 'Don't worry about me, Meme,' " Collins said. "He knew it was serious. He had to do what he was doing. He believed in what he was doing. He wholly believed that Saddam had to be taken out."

Collins remembers Aubin saying, " 'If anything happens to me, just remember I'm happy and I'm doing what I love to do.' He was the best of the best. He did us all proud."

More than two dozen members of Aubin's huge extended Franco-American family gathered Friday at Chamberlain's house in Winslow to comfort her and share memories of a man they remember as a special human being.

"Everyone here is so proud of him. He's one of these special people," said Peter Willette, an uncle. "He was a great gentleman. With a wonderful smile. He was a positive person too. He knew what he wanted. He was a very determined young man. When he went after something he didn't stop until he got it."

Aubin was born in Skowhegan and grew up there, the oldest of Thomas and Nancy Aubin's three sons.

One brother, Joel, now lives in Texas. The other brother, Jeffrey, lives in Pittsfield.

The family lived first on St. John Street. Later, the family moved to a house on Middle Street. Thomas and Nancy Aubin would then divorce, and Aubin's father is now living in Bangs, Texas.

Aubin's mother said her son "started flying when he was two years old. His dad had some two-seater planes and would take him flying from Norridgewock airport. He would strap him in."

Aubin went to Skowhegan Area High School. He played in the band and was on the wrestling team. In his senior year he won "student of the month" honors. At the end of the year, he was named "student of the year." "He was a very polite, nice person. He was very genuine," said his former wrestling coach, Dennis Hart, who still teaches physical education at the school.

"I was kind of surprised when he went into the Marines, but I talked to him a few months ago. I was teaching a class when he just walked in. He was here on leave. We had a nice talk."

Dean Baker of Norridgewock was a close friend of Aubin's and a fellow wrestling team member.

"He was always smiling," Baker said. "He was just a nice guy." Aubin enlisted in the U.S. Marine Corps right out of high school. He worked as an aircraft mechanic.

After four years in the Marines, Aubin, by then married, left the service and came home to Maine. He enrolled at Southern Maine Technical College, in South Portland, in 1989. He earned an associate's degree in applied science from SMTC and a bachelor's degree in business management from the University of Southern Maine.

After graduating, he went back into the Marine Corps, this time as an officer.

Rella Collins said her nephew originally wanted to fly jets, but a tiny deviation from perfect eyesight prevented that. He signed up to fly helicopters instead.

Aubin flew the CH-46E Sea Knight. A workhorse of the Marines' helicopter fleet, it is essentially a flying bus with rotors at both ends, used to ferry troops from ships at sea to forward positions.

Collins said she was three years older than her nephew, but "he was my best friend in high school." She remembers that Aubin would get to school before her, pick up her lunch ticket, and be waiting at the door to hand it to her.

Aubin was a "small, scrawny little boy" in school, she said. After he went into the Marines he "grew six inches and gained a hundred pounds." Collins said that before his death, family members had been planning to have buttons made up with Aubin's picture on them as a way of honoring him.

She said they still plan to make the buttons, but they will carry the words, "In memory of."

After hearing about the crash on the television Thursday, Nancy Chamberlain said she telephoned her daughter-in-law in Yuma, Ariz. Rhonda Aubin was upset about the crash, but knew few details and did not know whether her husband was dead, Chamberlain said.

Later that evening, Chamberlain telephoned again. This time it was a Marine officer who picked up the phone. The officer confirmed that Capt. Jay T. Aubin's helicopter had crashed and he was dead.

It was unclear whether Aubin or the other Marine pilot on board was flying the chopper when it crashed. "We are not sure," Rella Collins said. "We thought he was the pilot. He was over there as a pilot, not a co-pilot."

The fact that two men with Maine ties were aboard the helicopter saddened Maine's top elected officials.

Gov. John Baldacci said the two men served the nation with honor and distinction. "They demonstrated courage and a profound sense of duty," he said in a prepared statement. "We will not forget their sacrifice."

All four members of the state's congressional delegation expressed similar sentiments.

During the interview with Brokaw, Aubin's mother said live coverage of the war on television is hard on the families of those who have loved ones on the front lines.

"I have a mission at this point. That is to ask the (television) networks to look at the human side of this war. All of this television, with the bombs and helicopters. There are parents and wives sitting out there watching this every hour of every day."